"It’s Time You Met Your Schema(s)..
A schema is therapy talk for a deeply held belief that’s formed when your early emotional needs are not met as children or adolescents. These beliefs become deeply engrained, are unconscious, and affect everything – including how you feel, how you think, how you behave and what kind of decisions you make.
So, when you end up saying yes to a date with another critical and controlling jerk because the chemistry is off the charts, that’s your schema talking. Enter, your self-fulfilling prophecy.
But you’re not alone.
We all have schemas controlling us. That is until we become aware of them and start to break the pattern.
If you’ve ever said to yourself “Why am I in this predicament again? I swore I would never find myself here after the last time…
This is for you.
Break The Pattern. Change Your Life.
Take a look at these common patterns and what happens when you learn how to break them.
Before becoming a
You keep saying yes to dating partners who you have strong sexual chemistry with thinking that’s what you *should* be looking for in a partner.
Ultimately you aren’t treated very well, the relationship doesn’t progress and you fall back into self-doubt and self-criticism thinking “What’s wrong with me?”
After becoming a
You know that your schemas are triggered by emotionally unavailable partners. You’ve learnt not to trust these feelings because they’re a schema.
You learn how to have boundaries without guilt and shame and you choose to end dud relationships early which reinforces your sense of self-respect and confidence.
Before becoming a
You are “tossed around” by other people’s needs and demands because it doesn’t feel “right” to say no to them.
You find yourself reflexively saying yes but then feeling resentful towards the person down the track but when you think of changing your mind, intense guilt arises.
The swing between resentment and guilt is exhausting and may even result in burnout.
After becoming a
You have a clear idea of what’s important to you and how you want to invest your time.
You know how to say no without feeling mean or selfish and can tolerate people not being happy with you.
You feel more competent and effective in your relationships and increasingly find yourself in relationships where your boundaries and emotional needs are respected.
Before becoming a
You strive to always do your best and can’t tolerate the thought of not “perfecting” something.
Underneath the striving, you’re desperately scared of making mistakes. You’re irritable at home and want things done your way.
You prioritise getting through lists rather than spending time with your family.
When you’re stressed you can really damage your relationships because you’re cranky and demanding.
After becoming a
You’re less anxious about making mistakes which means you can stop some of the striving.
You realise that you’ve got a shame problem which is caused by a deep fear of being rejected for not being good enough.
You notice the inner critic inside you and challenge it with insight, self-compassion and a new sense of what’s realistic.
Importantly, you realise you can still be successful without these impossible standards.
Hey! We’re Justine & Gemma.
We are two very passionate schema therapists and clinical psychologists who want to help people benefit from the wisdom of schema therapy.
For over 20 years we’ve seen the amazing transformations our patients have made in our brick-and-mortar private practice.
We also happen to have our own personal experience with narcissistic parents which does give us an innate empathy and insight into the havoc this type of parent can wreak in your life.
Or as we like to call it:
Welcome to being human.
The Schema Circle
Break your negative life patterns once and for all and help you live your most authentic life.
The Schema Circle is the first membership program of its kind that shows you how to harness the power of schema therapy to make changes for good.
From self-sabotage to making the right decisions for your mental and physical health.
When you heal your schemas, here’s what happens:
- You’re able to handle, tolerate and transform your negative emotions.
- You’re authentic and effective in your communication.
- You learn how to make decisions that take care of your future self while also honouring your needs in the moment. You get the best of both worlds.
- You finally discover that elusive work-life balance and your relationships are thriving.
- You live your values.
The result?: Healthy Adult Mode.
The healthy adult is the part of you who wants the best for you. That’s what schema therapy is all about.
The best for you.
Here's What’s Included In The Membership
Access to the Know Your Schemas Mini-Course
Where each module has been designed to give you the foundational knowledge required to really start healing your schemas and break those life patterns that no longer serve you.
Access to The Deep Dive Library.
We update this every quarter.
Our deep dive masterclasses are essential to helping you develop a strong Healthy Adult mode and heal your schemas.
Current deep dives available are:
Dealing with Difficult Parents
Boundaries and Schemas
Triggers: Understanding and coping with schema activations
Transforming Shame to Strength: A key factor in developing a strong Healthy Adult Mode
Healing the Vulnerable Child
Schemas and Trauma: Understanding trauma and development of schemas
Meeting and Taming Your Inner Critic
Dropped every month to help you become your own pattern-breaker and develop a strong Healthy Adult Mode
Monthly Zoom Coaching Call
Where we answer your questions and help you benefit from the skills, tools and insights from that month’s module.
Private Facebook Group
Access to a private Facebook group community where you can interact with other group members and ask questions. We’ll also be popping in to answer questions from time to time.
Safe, Supportive Space
A supportive, non-judgemental space to explore your schemas and pursue your self-development goals.
Handling, tolerating and transforming your negative emotions.
Becoming authentic and effective in your communication.
Making decisions that take care of your future self while also honouring your needs in the moment.
Your relationships are thriving.
You’re living your values.
You’re living the best version of yourself.
The truest version of yourself.
The Schema Circle will get you there.
But I Don’t Want To Change My Personality…
Friendly reminder that:
- You are not your 'anxiety'.
- You are not your 'people pleasing'.
- You are not your 'perfectionism' - to the point of being a stressed out mess.
Those are your schemas. And by challenging them you become an even more authentic, healthier version of you.
Healing your schemas won’t change you fundamentally are. That person’s already there, waiting to emerge.
Welcome To Your Most Authentic Self
Let us introduce you to Sam.
Sam had a really big problem in her romantic relationships. She had been stuck in this painful loop for years...and the loop looked like this:
Sam would choose a partner who was critical and controlling because her schemas meant she always found faults with partners who were kind, caring and available.
After a few months of one-to-one therapy, Sam started avoiding relationship disasters by spotting her old schemas and breaking patterns.
Enter: a new potential suitor. And things were going surprisingly well.
It wasn’t until the third date when he revealed a critical, contemptuous side of himself that caught Sam off guard.
Initially, Sam’s old schema popped up, telling her to keep quiet and say nothing.
Luckily though, Sam had just watched the Deep Dive in the Schema Circle on Boundaries. This gave Sam the confidence to do the opposite of what her schema was telling her to do, so Sam spoke up.
“I don’t like how you spoke to me just then, it was critical and unwarranted.”
Needless to say, this boundary didn’t go down well and Sam ended the relationship there and then. At that moment Sam became a pattern-breaker.
Now, Sam is convinced that if she hadn’t watched the deep dive in The Schema Circle on boundaries, she wouldn’t have felt the confidence to speak up, break the pattern, and heal her schema.
Even though Sam was in between sessions, she still managed to find the information needed to handle this situation in a strong Healthy Adult Mode.
Here's the thing about your schemas. explained by Dr. Carl Jung
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call if fate."
You can only articulate and live your best life when you can fully acknowledge what implicit processes are driving your decision-making beyond your awareness.
This is part of the reason why we love schema therapy so much, It’s such a strong, cohesive framework for making the implicit explicit.
In The Schema Circle we give you knowledge, insights, skills and strategies for change that give you increased capacity to be in your healthy adult mode.
Remember, the healthy adult is the part of you that wants the best for you.
That’s what The Schema Circle is all about.
The best for you.
“I came to the schema circle after listening to the good mood podcast for about six months. I was having serious problems with my family of origin and the podcast had given me many jumping off points to start working on myself. So I jumped at the chance to join the schema circle. It directed me to key areas of self-development (special mentions to boundaries, managing triggers and vulnerable child work) and provided a framework to start reflecting and slowly making changes. I've watched some of the deep dives many times and it continues to sink in. The Q&As have also been highly useful to me and Ive picked up a lot from others perspectives. The healthy adult mindset tools with each deep dive guide you through the work to do on yourself. I was actually a bit blown away by the work that went into each of them. I also started individual schema therapy about 3 months after joining the schema circle and I've found they complement each other perfectly. I couldn't recommend the schema circle more highly as a tool for self development.”
“I didn't realise how much my schemas were wreaking havoc in my life. Just being able to label schema triggers and get an understanding of the why's and how's was life changing in itself, but I feel like I can now more consciously direct myself along the path to the best version of me. I really loved Justines video on the change trajectory, where she explained it's a process with twists and turns. I totally agree, but I'm clearly already gaining a deeper understanding of myself and my family of origin.”.
“I joined the membership with not a great deal of knowledge about emotions or self-development. The schema circle has helped direct me to key areas of self-development and provide a framework to start reflecting and making changes in my life and behaviours. I've watched some of the deep dives many times, I always learn something new each time and it continues to sink in. The Q&As have also been highly useful to me, even where discussion goes to unrelated examples, I still pick up more information on the topic. I love the healthy adult mindset tools; they guide you through the work you need to do. I was actually a bit blown away by the work that went into each of them. I feel like the membership has helped me get a better handle on where my vulnerabilities are and what I actually need to do to heal them. It's a very supportive membership to be in and I am so glad I found it.”.
“Participating in the Schema Circle helped me on my journey of personal growth and offered me also the opportunity to consolidate my learning as a therapist, to have tools that proved very valuable in my work with the clients (e.g. Shame Flashcard). The deep dive master-classes were very interesting, I liked the information well-structured and presented in an attractive manner. Even if I did not participate live in the Q and A sessions, I found the recordings interesting and useful. Thank you!.
“You're a great duo. Thank you so much for sharing a part of yourselves in the content. The content in the very last coaching call was sensational. I've been looking for the right time and place to say that Justines flashcard example (DD4) was so relatable that it was almost funny in parts (sorry), where she said she has her eye on the prize of getting out the door on time and it was "direct modelling from my mother". It was a great example and thank you for sharing with us.”